we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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