he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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