Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
