she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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