You work out of a Hotel?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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