I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
