now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
