I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
