My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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