how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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