That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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