she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize