either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
