i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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