sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize