If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
