just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
