i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
