you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my liver is dry heaving
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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