I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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