So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
