It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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