You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
