i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
