remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
