there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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