Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
