So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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