do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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