He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
