I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
