yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
