Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
