Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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