a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
