Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where is the hickey?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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