my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
