oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize