Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize