How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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