his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
