Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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