I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
