I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
