I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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