running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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