don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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