I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
