Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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