I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
