the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
