A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
