But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
