I cannot find my penis.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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