i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
