My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
