U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
