Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
