she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
