I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i out mim tonsoeep
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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