i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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