I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize