i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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