Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he thought i was a dude.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
